shadow work how-to

This is a simple and effective (but not easy) freewriting practice that I use for shadow work. It is a gentle reworking of a practice called JournalSpeak, which was created by Nicole Sachs for her clients suffering from chronic pain. Writing can help to move blocked energy through your nervous system and emotional body.

Get a pen and some paper or a notebook that you are not emotionally attached to and that is not particularly attractive to you because you will have to tear pages out of it.
Find and prepare a space in your home that feels safe, comfortable, and private. Light a candle and/or some incense. You may want to close and lock the door to the room that you are in and turn off all your devices. It might help to sit at a desk or table with a comfortable chair and have a cup of water or tea nearby.
Do a simple breathing exercise of some sort. You may want to put one hand on your heart and one heart on your belly while reminding yourself that you are safe while taking a few deep breaths. I personally like and use a practice called The Nine Relaxation Breaths.
Make three lists. One that we'll tentatively call Shit from Your Past, another that we'll call Shit in the Present, and a third we'll call Shit About Myself. Feel free to adjust these titles to fit your particular style. For more details on how to make these three lists, along with some examples of what to put on them, see the section "The Three Lists Explained" below.
Take a moment to express gratitude to yourself for taking the time to make these three lists. It may not have been easy for you to do so, and it may have brought up some emotions that you would rather not be feeling right now. But this is part of the work, and you will thank yourself later. These lists will be your guide for shadow work. Do not dispose of these lists. Keep them in a safe place, preferably where no one but you will find them.
Pick one item from any of these three lists. You can pick at random or choose one that feels right for the moment. Circle or underline it or put a box by it to check off when you are done.
Set a timer for 20 minutes. Begin to write any thoughts, feelings, words, images, dream fragments, voices heard, etc. that come up when you bring that item to mind. Do not read what you write. Just write. Put the words on the page and keep moving your pen forward. Ignore spelling, punctuation, or grammar. You may end up writing the same word or phrase over and over again and that is fine. Let whatever wants to come up and out — come up and out. Do not edit or censor yourself. Do not worry about getting the facts straight or even making sense! This is not storytime. Think of it like taking a mental/emotional/psychic shit. As your write, feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, confusion, etc. may come up, and that is ok. Just keep on writing, and let the feelings pass. You may experience nausea, dizziness, or some other uncomfortable physical feeling. That is ok. Just keep on writing, and in time, it will pass. Remember: No one is going to read what you write — not even you. Notice what's happening in your body as you write but allow it to move and shift as you continue writing.
When your timer goes off, put down your pen, take the pages you just wrote (not the three lists!), and destroy them. Ideally, you want to burn them until you are left only with ashes, ashes that you can then pour into the soil or trash. If you are not in a place where it is safe to use fire, then you can shred the pages or tear them up into tiny unreadable pieces and dispose of them in the trash. This is the most important part of the process. Destroy the pages and move on with your day. Say good-bye to them if you need to.
Take a moment to get recentered, to shift and move the energy in your body in whatever way feels natural to you. Stretch, walk around, shake it out, go outside and take a few deep breaths, whatever feels good. Place your hand on your heart and show yourself love and appreciation for taking the time to do this practice today.
As you continue doing this practice over time, you may find little nuggets of wisdom and soul realization in your writing, glittering gems that show up in the dark of the process. Those are the gift of doing this work.

the three lists explained

Here are some descriptions and examples of what to put on your lists.

shit from the past

This will be a list of emotionally intense or stressful events, encounters, experiences, or situations that happened in your past. This would be stuff from your childhood and teen years but could also be from later in life, or the part of your life that you feel is now in the past. These are things that may have brought up and continue to bring up feelings of fear, rage, anger, sadness, shame, guilt, confusion, intense pain, bitterness, resentment, and/or other uncomfortable or distressing emotions. Some examples would be:

• Experiences of parental neglect, abuse, and/or abandonment

• Experiences of belonging to a cult or oppressive religion or thought system through your family of origin

• Childhood sexual abuse, molestation, any sort of inappropriate touching or crossing of your physical, emotional, or mental boundaries in a sexual way

• The presence of someone with an addiction and/or mental illness in your family of origin

• A suicide in your family of origin and/or of a friend or loved one

• A divorce and/or strife between your parents, a stepparent that acted in problematic ways, trouble with a sibling

• Moving to a different home, city, and/or school, one or multiple times

• Experiences of bullying at school or problematic treatment from a teacher or teachers and other problems related to your time in school or your overall schooling experience

• An eating disorder or other type of compulsion or controlling/obsessive behavior

• Self-harm, any deliberate harming or hurting of your own body

• Witnessing physical, verbal, or emotional abuse or some other type of violence in your home, at school, or on the job

• Shocking, embarrassing, shaming, or uncomfortable reactions to or comments made about your body during puberty from you, your parents, or other people in your life

• An extended illness, health crisis or painful medical condition experienced by you or someone close to you

• Something that a sibling experienced that may have affected you very deeply or that you experienced as extremely stressful

• Conflict with and/or experiences of betrayal by a friend or in your early or past romantic relationships

• The death of a parent, child, grandparent, sibling, or other close relative or loved one

• Stress from a job and/or from your time in the education system

• An abortion or miscarriage

• Loss of parental rights

• Shocking or uncomfortable experiences with a "healer", doctor, nurse, therapist, counselor, or healthcare provider of some sort

• Experiences of stalking, harassment, rape, or any other type of problematic sexual encounter or physical, verbal, emotional, or energetic violence or manipulation experienced in the context of a romantic relationship, when dating, or when married — intimate partner abuse

• Experiencing/being the victim of and/or witnessing a car or motorcycle accident or plane crash

• Time spent in incarceration or in confinement in a mental health facility

• Any other type of dramatic, disturbing, or traumatic event that deeply affected you

One of the examples Nicole uses is “energetic mismatch with a parent”, so the situation could be something that appears to be quite subtle, or something that other people could not see but that you could feel and felt very deeply. There could be very painful family experiences that were discredited or denied by others, incidents that you felt hurt or troubled by and yet no one noticed or there was nothing outwardly visible. Experiences of repeated injustices or lying, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, denial, hypocrisy, or unfairness in your family of origin, at school, or at a job can be quite painful and are common in our society, but these may go unnoticed due to their oftentimes invisible nature.

shit in the present

The second list will be a list of shitty things or situations that you are currently dealing with. This could include things from the first list that are continuing to happen now, so feel free to write any of those again on this list if that feels appropriate. It is not necessary to do so, however.

Some examples might be experiencing harassment from a co-worker or a person in a role of authority at your job or school (your shitty boss or an annoying teacher), stress from a current or recently ended romantic relationship, a recent death or breakup, loss of a job, loss of a parent, or an irresolvable conflict or disagreement with a friend, partner, or someone from your family of origin.

Shit about myself

This last list will be a list of aspects of your personality that you think may be contributing to any anxiety or stress that you are currently experiencing in your life or that you feel are contributing to problems in your relationships, family, and/or work life.

This may include things like a tendency to people-please, perfectionism, pessimism, bypassing or avoiding uncomfortable feelings, low self-esteem or low self-worth, difficulty feeling or expressing emotions, a tendency to dissociate and/or be detached or unavailable in your interpersonal relationships, a tendency towards codependency or putting other peoples’ needs or problems before your own, wanting to save or rescue other people, having a habit of parenting or managing those you are in a relationship with, needing validation or approval from others, having a harsh inner critic or drill sergeant taskmaster in your mind, setting overly high standards for yourself or those you are in a relationship with, a tendency towards overwork or underwork, hyper-vigilance, struggling with saying no or setting boundaries with people, etc. No judgement if you find that any or all of these apply to you! You're human, we're human, and this is all very normal and common for us humans on earth right now.